The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
