So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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