if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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