and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
