I just made out with a guy for $7.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
me + whiskey = a bad person
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
