I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
