U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
