"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
