spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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