How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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