you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I deserve this hangover.
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