Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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