the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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