I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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