I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
