Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
