I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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