based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I only lived at night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
