I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
