i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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