So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize