What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
