Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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