Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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