you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
