what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
