I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I forget how to act sober
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
