im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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