apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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