when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
