I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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