nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
