Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I cannot find my penis.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
