1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
