I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
