now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
