3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
