Cold hands, warm shart.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
