their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
