No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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