hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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