Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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