Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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