I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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