yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
