it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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