I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
