he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
