he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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