i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
