I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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