you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize