i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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