If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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