He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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