i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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