she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
