im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
