Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
