She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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