all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
