glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
