she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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