A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
