Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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