I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
