i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
