ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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